When I was a newlywed a hairdresser I went to told me that she “loves to give birth, and would do it every month”. It’s the most wonderful thing in the world! (This was before the epidurals were popular in Israel and I’m sure she didn’t have one) If I had heard any negative aspects of giving birth before that, they were negated at that time, and until now, after seven births.
All but one of my births was with a private midwife, and all but one was with Ilana Shemesh. Truthfully, I wanted to save the money this time, and get the kind of birth I wanted in Misgav Ledach Hospital . But since I was taking a childbirth assistance and training course and had to observe shifts in the hospital, I was what went on, and that in order to have a birth the way I wanted it( as far as medically possible) I needed to hire Ilana. I didn’t want to be stuck with “just anyone”.
When I called, she was excited that I was pregnant and happy to confirm with me. I felt she really does like her profession and feels real joy and concern for each woman. I like that about her; ,her excitement and for me as if it were herself, or her first birth as a midwife.
When Misgav Ledach closed, I called to hear my options: one—her clinic, and two—my home. I was due a few days before Pesach, which was really three days that year because seder night was on מוצאי שבת . Since I’m religious, it caused a problem. I didn’t want to be “stuck” in the clinic over Shabbat and holiday. What about food? ליל הסדר ? What if there’s another birth there? What about my family, etc? I thought of going to Laniado Hospital in Netanya. I called hospitals to see their reaction about comi;ng to them after a home birth. There was no problem , but “why would you want to do that….what if…..”What was important was that I come within 24 hours to get the maanak lida. I asked Ilana what she brings with her. She brings 5 bags, she didn’t want to scare me with what. “Do you bring oxygen?” Yes. “Do you bring Pitocin or Methergin for hemorrhaging after birth?” yes. I also live closer to a hospital that she does. I asked if she has something for a semi-sitting position. “I have a wedge.” I figured that it’s easier to stay home, my husband can take the children out. I chose a birthing coach to be with me too.
I asked what I need to prepare at home. A plastic sheet, disposable bed liners, large pads and an extra large diaper for me (I have that anyway for my children) and baby clothes, blankets, and diapers, and old clean diapers to dry off baby after birth. I prepared pillows and garbage bags.
About noon time I was the bloody show. Blood kept coming out. I called both my “helpers” that I’ll probably be laboring that night. A couple hours later my water joined the show, but it was clear so I wasn’t worried. I had felt some body changes that week which prepared me emotionally also. I had been having Braxton Hick’s contractions for months, which were stronger recently. Now also I had contractions which were not very strong, long, and were irregular. I asked Ilana if I could continue my Pesach cleaning, after the membranes ruptured. Since she said I could, then that’s just what I did. As the contractions got stronger I started timing them, and became quite snappy at the people around me (the children). I thought it was responsible of Ilana to ask if I felt the baby during this time. (Baruch hashem, I did). However, I was nonetheless worried and a bit tense.
When I had several contractions every five minutes, although only 45 seconds long and not very intense), I asked her to come. I’d rather it be too early than too late, and I know that my labors can suddenly speed up and be 10 cm. before she expects it. I also would feel more secure knowing she’s nearby, although I did not feel I really needed her. Indeed, just to prove this emotional effect on the body, the contractions seemed to stop after Ilana came (at 1:05 AM ), like they tend to stop upon arriving at the hospital!
Ety , my friend and birthing coach, came at 12:30 with her bag, prepared to sleep over. We enjoyed talking with one another after Ilana came half an hour later, and the three of us spoke like a group of old friends.
I prepared clothes for the children before being checked, and felt energetic and well, even guilty for bothering them! I thought I should be jogging to get things going faster. Indeed, I was only 3 cm. Dilated at the first examination (and ready to push at the second exam!). I asked if the cervix is posterior, no it wasn’t, but since the cervix was only 3 cm. dilated she said “you have time”. In retrospect, it was only 4 hours later, and probably that’s faster than expected. Since my membranes had ruptured, Ilana could feel the hair, which was very exciting for me! Indeed, she did have a head full of dark brown hair at birth, which is now turning lighter.
Ilana suggested nipple rolling, which after nursing for nearly 14 years straight, was not problem. She said doing both sides simultaneously is more effective, so I got to work. Since the contractions almost stopped when the midwife came, (like arriving at the hospital! , but in this case the hospital came to me!) , the nipple stimulation got them going again.
One of the most wonderful aspects of a home birth, is the absence of intervention. Although she checked the heartbeat and blood pressure (a bit higher from excitement), I didn’t have monitor belts strapped on which I despise.
I wasn’t checked for dilation often, only twice in all. No IV, no offering of medications, no 1000 questions (Ilana already knows me and asked only pertinent questions). No shave, no enema, no noise or having to ask people to leave, no being “tied” to a lying position, no shouting. It was private and comfortable wearing my own nightgown. I didn’t even have to carry my pillows and other paraphernalia. Although I had prepared some things together in my room (lavender oil, a hand fan, orange oil, a new song tape, another prayer paper, (I should have prepared a hand mirror), I actually didn’t even use most of what I had prepared. Also after birth was minimal intervention for myself and the newborn.
I taped on two “segula” stones over my heart and stomach, and got my prayer papers and book. We decided to all go to sleep at 2:30 like in a dormitory room. I couldn’t sleep and nipple roll, and I wanted to give birth before the children woke up in the morning. I was a waste of time to lie with contractions and less comfortable, so I got up excitedly to set something done!
I had prepared in my head many things to do and thoughts to think about during birth. I knew motion would speed labor. I had been using an ice pack on my abdomen, which was very helpful. I went into the dark and quiet kitchen and ENJOYED being alone with the prayer . With each contraction, I put my head on the wall and did a circling motion with my hips and prayed for each of my children separately for a few contractions each. I envisioned them smiling at me and asked Hashem for what I want for that child. As the contractions were getting closer and stronger, I kept debating when to awaken them. Each contraction I said “one more”. I didn’t want to wait till I felt the urge to push to wake up Ilana, so that she’ll have time to get organized.
My contractions started to be strong in my lower back also, so I took an ice pack for my back as well. I thought, “this is from Hashem and is good for me!” I prayed for women who want children. I thought “my body is opening, the baby is coming down”. The ice packs were very effective, a well as my own guided imagery.
Two and a half hours after they went to sleep, Baruch Hashem, I decided to wake up Ilana, But Ety woke immediately and woke Ilana (I don’t like waking people). Ilana had dreamed she was being woken up to clean for Pesach (Her house is perfectly clean anyway), because that was the topic of our conversation earlier (since it was on my high priority list so close to Pesach). At this point, she saw I looked in labor. I knew I was transitioning. I was reluctant to look at myself in the mirror for some reason. She said “you must be 6-8 cm. This won’t go on like this for hours.” She could tell by my breathing, fast panting breaths. I kept asking for water because my mouth was so dry. However I didn’t like to hear I was only 6-8 cm. because I thought I was 9, and asked if she want to examine me and see. “No, it isn’t necessary. “ But very soon after that I felt the urge to push!
I sang a song of prayer in my head while Ilana applied the ice pack. Ety tried to massage me, but it just made m nauseous. (I felt bad for her that she really wanted to do something but I didn’t need it). I wanted to give birth on my side, but for some reason I didn’t want to get in bed on my side, but stayed in the semi-sitting position with the wedge. I felt tremendous pressure in my rectum and the sitting position was not helping it. Just as I got in bed and felt I had to push, Ilana went out for her coffee. Ety was near me to call her back. She calmly checked and said I can push . I told myself “this is what you’ve been waiting for, to push out the baby! Pushing time is fun time! I’m going to do it well!
After the first push, Ety said “very good”. It was like music to my ears. Soon Ilana asked for gentle pushes. It’s hard in that situation to push gently, but I tried. She said afterwards she never knows if a woman would have torn or not, so it’s better to avoid it by guiding her anyway. Ety said “Pray”. That was helpful, and I pictured some friends in my mind who I prayed for. I felt in Hashem’s hand, that He’s helping me through this for me to do His will, as I hoped to promise.
I had been at a friend’s birth two days before, and since I couldn’t get the words out to ask for a mirror, I imagined it looks like it did at my friend’s birth. I also tried to be silent like she was.
Since my rectum was especially under pressure, it probably would have been alleviated had I been on my side. I also felt pain in my back and neck for a few days after birth from the position of “chin on chest”, which may not have been the case on my side.
I pushed for I think three contractions. They came quite quickly. But we still thought the birth would be faster. She slivered out in one push after the head was out, and was put directly on my stomach. I thought I had a boy, and it seemed my two “mates” also said “he”, so I accepted it’s a boy, and spoke to “him”, until they noticed and corrected me. I was surprised as always how clean the baby was, barely any vernix or blood. But she had been too silent and I was worried. “Make her cry!” I said. “She’s O.K.” said Ilana. I was relieved when that cry came.! I felt sweaty, which proved I had labored. When Ilana prepared to cut the cord, I asked to do it myself. That was very exciting and a big step in our lives. Separated physically for good, but a new spiritual emotional and physical connection began. We hope this will be the beginning of a lifetime bond. Ilana did not suction her, saying it’s not necessary, and she’ll rid herself of any mucous. She was born at 5:57 AM .
I tried to latch her on to my left side (the Gemorrah says to start on the side of the heart) but the baby wasn’t interested just then. I had no contractions, and wanted her to nurse for that reason. I forgot of course about expelling the placenta. I was told to push although I still did not have any contractions and didn’t feel pressure. When I pushed there was a sharp abdominal pain, which was difficult to push against, so I stopped. A large blood clot did come out (which is usually expelled with the placenta and considered normal).
After a few minutes with no improvement, Ilana suggested I squat. I held her shoulder to help me into a squatting position. I still felt no contractions, but pushing was easier in that position, and I was able to push it out quite simply, b’ezrat hashem. It was interesting to understand where the baby was and which part was connected to the uterine wall. Probably most midwives wouldn’t explain it so patiently.
Just after I was covered, I saw the shadow of my son at the door. He had heard talking at that early hour, and didn’t know who it was. I invited him in and he was in awe that in my arms was a new baby sister. He looked in amazement and studied her a bit, and went out. The next child came in quietly, having heard the news, and in that fashion, one by one ,they entered elated with the reality of it all. Each commented about how she looks, how there is no blood. It was a truly exhilarating experience, so homey and natural. The children being part of it without being traumatized by my feelings or seeing me immodest or in pain. Three and a half weeks later, the four-year-old asked “who brought the baby/”
After an hour, the baby finally latched on for some time. I was glad it would give me contractions and also for her to eat. I feel more of a “mother” nursing a baby, and I felt unsuccessful before she nursed. Ilana weighed little Miriam on an old fashioned hanging scale, which she held up with a cloth for the baby to be placed in. It was quite exciting for me to choose an outfit from my infant clothes bag. Ilana dressed her ever so gently. Then she changed the disposable pads under me. The baby looked lonely on the bed and came back to me quickly. What a difference from a typical hospital procedure!
Ety left one hour after birth with a frustrating feeling that she didn’t do anything. I assured her that she certainly played an important role. Just being there to talk with was relaxing and enjoyable. She also was a good assistant for Ilana. They hoth have such comfortable and easygoing personalities. After everything was in the washing machine, the room tidy, my children helped Ilana downstairs with her bags. I was relieved no one was out at 8 A M because it was vacation. I felt strange when neighbors saw me leaving the apartment with baby in arms, when I left 14 and a half hours after birth for the hospital. But of course, although a planned homebirth is not commonplace here, I know there is nothing to be ashamed of, and I have good memories of the whole experience. I did pelvic floor exercise and fundal massage as I was taught, after delivery, during the first 3-4 days after birth. I’m continuing pelvic floor exercises periodically months later too.